A Better Place

Wow. What's goin on yall? It's been an interesting day to say the least. So today was the three year anniversary of my dad's death. I always go to his grave and talk to him on that day. Today was no different. Except it kindof was. Here's why: I have realized as of lately that I have never really let go of the crap that I went though with my dad. I was talking to someone the other day and I finally realized that it was time to let go. Here is where it gets a little unique. So I'm sitting inside of the mausoleum in front of my mom and dad's plaque and I start talking to him. I start telling him everything that is going on in my life and then I started to talk about what happened between me and him. By now half of you are thinking "This kid is out of his mind"...o you aint read nothing yet. Anyway, I start almost screaming about how much he hurt me and then something inside of me just snapped. But it wasn't in a bad way. It was like I had been hammering through a four foot thick cement wall and I finally saw daylight. I suddenly just broke down in to tears and my angry yelling turned into a frantic acceptance for forgiveness. "I'm sorry! I forgive you! I forgive you! I'm not going to hold it over you anymore!"
All of a sudden I heard some music playing (Don't worry, I'm not THAT crazy) it was my iphone. As I reached in my pocket to turn it off, I realized that the song that had accidentally started playing was "God of Wonders" By Caedmen's Call. I just sat down and started listening. As I listened to the words of the song I started to quietly sing to myself, and before I knew it, I was singing out loud. So here I am, looking extra crazy, having a full blown worship service by myself in front of my parents' grave and I closed my eye only to literally see a film reel of every painful memory I had. As if that wasn't different enough, as one memory would come in front of me, it would burst into flames. When the song's final notes faded, the last thing I saw was a picture of me holding my dad's hand in the ICU. It was almost like it was in a picture frame. The frame had wings that looked like angels and it flew upward. As I opened up my eyes, I literally felt lighter. It was like all the stuff that had been holding me down was lifted off of me. I believe that God finally saw what he needed to see and lifted the burden off of my shoulders. Well that's my God story for the day.
Now here's my song for the day. "Better Place" by Corey Smith
This song is one of those that plenty of teenagers can relate to. By the way, if you have a teen, send them to this blog, I would really like to build a following of teenagers who continually read this blog. I love helping people and since i am a teenager, I feel like I can relate to them better. So if you are a mom, send your kids, and if you're a kid, send your friends. For many, high school is a time of pain, confusion, and heartbreak. We are all looking for a better place. We all turn to different outlets to help. For some it's girls or boys, for others it's alcohol, or drugs. Stay with me now, for many, we turn to healthy things like athletics, or art, or drama, but put an unhealthy emphasis on them. The only thing you can turn to and not be let down is God. Nothing is a surprise to him and nothing is to big for him to handle. I heard that plenty of times before I actually started believing it, but once I did, it begin to make a lot of sense. Thanx for reading.

Scotty

Better Place
Tasha's got a room at the county shelter
The cops took her there when her mama got hauled away
Little brother and her can't even stay together
She cries each night wondering why it's gotta be this way

And she says "I wish I was anyone but me"
Yeah she'd pack her life in a heartbeat for a little change of scenery

And she keeps looking for a better place
Somewhere she can wear a smile upon her face
A home to welcome with a warm embrace
There's no way to disguise her lonely eyes
Looking for a better place

Bobby's doing time in youth detention
Pulled a switch blade knife on some boy making fun at school
And all he wanted was a little attention
And a temporary escape from the ridicule
And now he's in real deep with the freaks and the criminals
And he wonders when his time is up if he'll know himself at all

And he keeps dreaming of a better place
Somewhere he can have a little room to make mistakes
A home to help him wash the past away
Oh he don't need too much, just a little love
In a better place
In a better place

Jamie's got a room in a 3-story brick home
Daddy makes a lotta money, mama keeps her laundry clean
And she's got a $200 Abercrombie outfit on
Drives a brand new car that she got when she turned 16
Still she spends every night getting high with her so-called friends
And she's dropping hundred dollar bills on quarterbags, says she's never coming down again

And she keeps looking for a better place
Failing to realize how good she's got it made
Her loving home, she don't appreciate
Oh it's crazy but it's true, she doesn't have a clue
She's living in a better place
In a better place

In a better place
We're all lookin for a better place

How do you want to be remembered?

How do you want to be remembered?
That question has most likely been asked of everyone within the reach of the blog. If it hasn't yet, it will be. It's a good question. When you leave this earth, what do you want people to say about you. That is what todays song is about. By the way, i figured out how to put music on here so you can listen to it too. Today's song is "Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park. When I got this cd (Minutes to Midnight) this song got my attention imidiatly. A year and a half ago, I lost a close friend in a car accident. Henry Robinson Cart was one of the most amazing kids I have been blessed to know. He went to the same church as me and our youth group orginaized a memorial service for him. Over 200 people showed up and it was amazing to see all the different ways Hanry touched each one of them. As the microphone was passed around, people were brought to tears at the thought of such an awesome kid like Henry being gone. Ever since then, I have been plagued with the question "what would MY memorial service look like if I was to leave this earth tomorrow?"
Here's the challenge, live your life in a way that you could lay your head down for the last time at anytime and be confident that you will be remembered in a possitive manner.
"Live each day like it's your last" seems so cliche, but it is so true. God calls us to devote our whole selves to HIS will. Now let me be the first person to say I DON'T DO THAT. But that is the challenge. This goes back to Sunday when I did "Say" by John Mayer.
Never miss a moment to say I love you.
Never miss an opportunity to help someone else
Never finish anything and not be able to say "I did all I could"
I'm a highschool football player and my coach always says that my teammates depend on me more than I depend on myself. If every teammate can look to the man on his left and the man on his right and say "I know he is going to break his back for me on every play" then you will be succesfull. Take that mentality and try to apply it to your everyday life. Thanks for reading
Scotty
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

Hard to believe

So today was the three year anniversary of my dad's stroke/heart attack/finding of everything else. Which means it was the three year anniversary of the first time I ever heard my dad say "I love you". I'm sure you are probably thinking "wow that is sad, or wow I bet he had a rough day." And if you were thinking that, you are only half way right. Here's why:
For some reason today reminded me more of my mom than my dad. And maybe not even so much of MY mom as moms in general. I was talking to JMOM (for those of you who don't know...Lotsofscotts...yea those are my cousins. Please take a moment to be jealous of me..................OK) anyway, I was talking to JMOM the other day and we started talking about my mom. We figured out that the triplets are exactly the age I was when my mom past away. Hard to believe. For those of you who are mothers, imagine your three year old at their worst moment, the moment where all they want is to be held by you, their mother.
Starting to see where I'm going with this yet?
Now imagine them getting to that point and not being able to comfort them. I'm not talking about just once. I'm talking about when your children are almost four, NEVER being able to comfort them again. I'm sure that is a thought that is enough to make most of you moms cry.
If it isn't this will be.
Now imagine it from your child's eyes. Imagine at three years old trying to comprehend "forever" as the length of time mommy is gone for.
What's your point Scotty? It's really simple:
Count your blessings. Take nothing for granted. The fact that you can see your children grow and have a part in raising them is the best blessing you could ask for. And the fact that your children have you (though they probably won't realize this until they are in their twenties) is a HUGE blessing. I hope you all: mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, nieces and nephews, go up to whoever has the pleasure of being an influential part of your life and just thank them. And then thank God for letting them be a part of your life. Thanks for reading

Scotty

What's goin on yall? After I did that post yesterday about the John Mayer song, I had an idea. I am going to (try) and post up lyrics to a song everyday that I feel like has something to say. I am a HUGE music fan and I listen to everything out there. They will be from all different genres of music. Here's the catch, none of them will ever be "Christian" songs i.e. David Crowder, Chris Tomlin, ect. Nothing against those guys, I love their music too. But I think it is much cooler to hear a song that is not nessisarily Christian by lable but still has truth in it. All truth is God's truth people. If you are one of those people who believes all "secular" music is evil, then you are about to start learning something new. If any one knows if its possible to up load actual songs on to a blog, please let me know cause I would love to put up the song along with the lyrics. Today I picked
"Bring it on home"
by Little Big Town
I just love this song because it could so easily be a letter from God to us. Everyone has had those days that they feel like they can't take another step. They are physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 55:22.

Pile your troubles on God's shoulders. He'll carry your load, he'll help you out. He'll never let good people topple into ruin. (Psalms 55:22 (The Message))

This song nails it. When you read the lyrics/listen to the song, ignore for a moment that it is probably a love song and focus on the words. Even better, if you are like me, when you have one of those days, you like to escape into your Ipod. Close your eyes and imagine God singing these words to you. Enjoy.
Scotty

"Bring It On Home"

You got someone here wants to make it alright

Someone who loves you more than life right here

You got willing arms that'll hold you tight

A hand to lead you on through the night right here

I know your heart can get all tangled up inside

But don't you keep it to yourself

[Chorus:]When your long day is overAnd you can barely drag your feet

The weight of the world is on your shoulders

I know what you needBring it on home to me

You know I know you like the back of my hand

But did you know I'm gonna do all that I can right here

I'm gonna lie with you till you fall asleep

When the morning comes I'm still gonna be right here (yes I am)

So take your worries and just drop them at the door

Baby leave it all behind

[Chorus]

Baby let me be your safe harbor

Don't let the water come and carry you away

[Chorus]

You got someone here wants to make it alright

Someone who loves you more than life right here

My Story

I was born in Atlanta on February 20th, 1990. I have been born in raised in this great city ever since. A month before my fourth birthday, my mom passed away from brain cancer. The doctors found the tumor three days prior to her death. From then on, it was me and my pops. For as long as I can recall, my dad always had a drink in his hand from about five o'clock on until he went to bed. I never really thought much of it as a smaller child. When it actually started clicking with me that the alcohol was what caused him to do some of the things he did, it still didn't really bother me. As an 8 or 9 year old kid, I really only saw the funny part of him drinking. My dad was usually HILARIOUS when he would drink.
However, when I was about 10 years old, I got my first taste of what the alcohol could really make someone do. I don't remember exactly what I did to provoke him...I doubt I did anything, but in any event, one night my dad came into the den and started yelling at me. I wasn't sure if he was serious or not at first but he kept yelling. I started crying and yelling back at him. I was mostly just yelling "Why are you yelling at me?" He tore into me. He called me every name he could think of. I eventually ran upstairs and locked my door.
From that night on, I never trusted my dad again. As time went on, his rants became more and more frequent. When I was 13, hit me for the first time. Popped me right in the face. That same night He told me he hated me and he wished I was dead. When he told me that he wished I was dead, I walked over to the butcher block in our kitchen to put his words to the test. And there I was at 13 years old, holding the biggest cleaver I could find up to my neck while looking my father right in the eyes. "do you really want me dead? Cause we can take care of that right now," I yelled through tears. My dad just looked at me. He didn't say a word. He just looked at me with a look of indifference on his face. I got what I was looking for, but not what I wanted or expected. I was looking for a reaction out of him. I wasn't expecting the reaction to be complete indifference to whether I lived or died. I was completely alone. I was empty. I can honestly say from that point on I hated my father.
Actually, I can honestly say there wasn't to much that I didn't hate. I hated my abusive drunk father. I hated my family for not knowing what I was going through (even though I never told them...I know, that makes no sense. welcome to the life of a 13 year old) I hated God for putting me in this life. I remember looking for the most hurtful things I could possibly say to my dad when we were arguing just so I could show him how I felt all the time. One comment come to mind: "I wish I was adopted". (keep reading if you wunna know why that one sticks out) I found God that summer. I thought that now that I was a Christian that God would straiten out my problems. BOY WAS I WRONG!
Things were as bad as ever when I was 14 and the crazy violent drunk came out of my dad more times than not at night. I was a handful at school and I finally managed to get into enough fights and pop off to enough teachers that I was thrown out. My (private) school made a deal with me that if I went to military school for 2 semesters, I could come back. I agreed not because i wanted to go back to my school but because i wanted to get the hell out of my dad's house. I went to a school about an hour and a half away from home and came home for the weekend twice from January-April. On April 28th 2005, My uncle showed up at the school one night during dinner with a look on his face that I will never be able to describe as long as I live. I understood why when he told me that my dad had a stroke...and a heart attack...and pneumonia...o yea, and he has lung cancer. The doctors found it all at the same time when he showed up and in the ambulance.
I fell to my knees. literally. I ran as hard as I could and I honestly couldn't tell you where I was going. But somehow I ended up at my uncles car and we began to head home. I arrived at the hospital to find my father a skeleton of his usual self. His speech was all but impossible to understand but I managed to make out most of what he was saying. That night was the first time I heard my father tell me that he loved me. I begged for him to forgive me for everything I said to him and he simply replied, "you did the best you could. I couldn't asked for a better son."
My Dad died 2 days later. I realized that I wasn't as alone as I thought I had been through his death. Why is that, you ask.
Well, other than the 450 kids that showed up to my dad's funeral, one of my teachers had gone to the hospital the night before my dad died and read the Bible to him for 2 hours. My dad was saved 12 hours before he died. Before you continue reading I want you to stop and really think about that...
I moved in with my Aunt and Uncle soon after and got the news that I had been accepted back into my old school a semester early. But there was still one piece of unfinished business that my Aunt and Uncle had to take care of before I began my life with them. On my fathers birthday, 3 weeks after his death, my aunt and uncle informed me that I WAS adopted. No, not by them. I was adopted by my not deceased parents when I was only 20 days old. I didn't know what to say. So I just got up and walked away. After a good amount of tears and even more questions that had no answers, I realized that I was where I was supposed to be and the fact that I was adopted didn't change who my family was. I thank God everyday to be where I am today. That is my story from birth to 15 years old. Ill post the rest later.

Little things that mean so much

Isn't it amazing how much we overlook the little things in our life? I was thinking today on my way home from church about something someone did for me that must have seen like such a small thing for her, but it absolutely made my day. If you were to look back on those moments that happen every once in while that seem to brighten your day, I would bet that they usually aren't something life changing. They are just small things that might seem insignificant to others, but mean the world to you.
I have been going through some issues lately that I have never had to go through before. Because of my past, it is rare that a problem comes about that I haven't had some kind of expirience with before. But low and behold, I am going through one right now. I was talking to a girl at my church who is probably the most outgoing, sweet, amzing girl I know. I don't think I have ever met someone so willing to listen to whatever it is I have on my plate and not judge me for it. So anyway, I'm talking to this girl (Emily) and I am venting to her about what I am going through and she stopped me and brought over another one of my friends (John) and she said she wanted to pray for me. Her and John put their hands on my shoulders and just prayed that I could come out a better person because of all this and use it for God's glory.
I was almost brought to tears just because of her willingness to stop everything and PRAY FOR ME. Wow, what a portrait of God's love! After she prayed for me she gave me a hug and told me again that it was all in God's hands. I am convicted to make someone else's day take a 180 degree turn for the better like she did for me. It's really isn't that hard either, a kind word, a listening ear, even something so simple as warm as a smile can brighten someone's day. If you feel God telling you to do something like that, DO IT. It could literally save someones life. I am reminded of one of my favorite songs out right now by John Mayer. The name of it is "SAY". I will leave yall today with the lyrics to the song. I hope that if you are going through something hard right now, these words bring comfort to you. Thanks for reading. God Bless
SCOTTY
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put ‘em in quotations

Say what you need to say [x8]

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead, If you only could . . .

Say what you need to say [x8]
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You’d better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say [x24]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE R

I'm a little late with this one but two days ago was my uncle's birthday. I have lived with my Aunt and Uncle for almost three years to the day. Words can't even describe the amount of time and energy that they put into me. My uncle especially is an amazing image of God's will. He (and my aunt) were done raising children and had been for almost 20 years. However, when my dad passed away in 2005, they took me under their wing and have raised me ever since. Through all of the stupid crap I mangae to get myself into, Uncle R is always there. Of course we but heads everyonce in a while, but who doesn't? No matter what the situation is, Uncle R will drop whatever he is doing to help me out. I am truely blessed to have someone like him in my life. So happy birthday Uncle R. and thanks for everything

first post

What's goin on yall? This is my first of hopefully many Blogs. I got this idea from my cousin and bestfriend(same person). You might have heard of her. If you haven't check out her blog. www.lotsofscotts.blogspot.com. She's got three kids who are the closest things to brothers and sister I have. Anyway, this blog is here to act as a few different things: a journal, a random outlet for thoughts and advise, mabey even a prayer journal 2. If you have any questions about me let me know. check out the about me stories on the side. Check back soon. I'll post amap.